All Neil's Jokes of the Month

NEIL'S JOKES OF THE MONTH

THE COMPLETE HISTORY

Q: What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? A: "Dam." Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk. Q: What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their milk? A: Chocolate chimp cookies. Q: What do frogs eat with their hamburgers? A: French flies. Q: What is a little dog's favorite drink? A: Pupsi-cola. Q: What is the first letter in yellow? A: Y. Because I want to know. Q: Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side? A: He's all-right now! Why don't traffic lights ever go swimming? Because they take too long changing! What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? Put it on my bill. Why did the chewing gum cross the road? It was stuck to the leg of a chicken !!! Question: What did the egg say to the other egg? Ans: Let's get cracking! What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You are too young to smoke! Q:What do you say to a cow that crosses in front of your car? A: Mooo-ve over. Why can't you play cards on a small boat? Because someone is always sitting on the deck! What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered! Q: What gets bigger the more you take away? A: A hole! A lady gets on a train with her baby. A guy sitting across from her looks at the baby and starts laughing hysterically. He says, "Lady, that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. It looks like a monkey. What an ugly kid." The lady freaks out, and goes running into the next car sobbing uncontrollably. The conductor sees her and comes over to her to console her. He says, "Lady, relax...things are going to be all right...we'll get off at the next stop, get a cup of coffee...maybe we'll even find a banana for your monkey." Why did the rooster cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken !! What gets wet the more you dry? A towel !! A little boy asked his teacher one day, "Teacherdo you punish people for things they don't do?" The teacher replied, "No". The little boy said, "Good, because I did not do my homework". Man goes into hairdressers, he has only three hairs on his head, hairdresser says "what would you like done?" man says, "side parting please" tries that and a hair falls out, so man says, "just make it a middle parting; tries that and another hair falls out, hairdresser says sorry, man says it's ok, just leave it a mess Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the raccoon it could be done !! What did one volcano say to the other? Do you lava me like I lava you? Question: What has 4 wheels and flies? Ans: garbage truck! Can you answer this ? If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors? Why do candle trimmers work so few days a week? They only work on wick-ends! Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side !!!! Why was the Egyptian boy worried? Because his daddy was mummy. Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the Shell Station!!! What did the FAMOUS FIVE told to SECRET SEVEN? Ans- You are 2 much. . (Q) Why do gorillas have big nostrils? (A) Because they have big fingers What breaks when you say it? Silence! How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed? You bump your nose on the ceiling !! doctor, doctor I keep on lying. That's not true! What did the sea say to the sand? Nothing, it just waved! How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed? Because you need a ladder to get in !! What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil? Get dressed up, the doctor is taking us out! Question: What is greater than god? What is more evil than the devil? The poor has it, The rich need it, if you eat it you will die. What is it? Answer: Nothing WHAT WOULD YOU CALL A SLEEPING BULL ? ANSWER :A BULLDOZER Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don't work !! Q: Which room dose the skeleton mostly hate? A:The living room. A frog telephoned the an astrologer and was told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you." The frog said, "That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?" "No," said the astrologer, "Next term -- in her biology class Where did the fat whale go? To the 'whale way' station !!! Why Did the Rooster refuse to fight ? Because he was Chicken...!!!! A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with. Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail. After a few hours, the nephew returned. "How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle. "It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?" What pie can fly ? A Magpie!! Q: How do you know when a clock is hungry? A: It goes back for seconds!!! Question: If a rooster laid an egg on a cone shaped roof which way would the egg roll? Answer: roosters can't lay eggs ! Where does an Eskimo pig live? In a Pigloo !! What do you get when 2 strawberries meet? A strawberry shake. What has 18 legs and catches flies? A baseball team. What has four legs but can't walk? A table. What kind of beans never grow in a garden? Jelly beans. What kind of flowers grow on your face? Tulips (2 lips). When are cooks mean? When they beat the eggs and whip the cream. Which is faster---hot or cold? Hot---You can catch a cold. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts. Why is a math book sad? It has so many problems. Q: What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? A: "Dam." Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk. Q: What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their milk? A: Chocolate chimp cookies. Q: What do frogs eat with their hamburgers? A: French flies. Q: What is a little dog's favorite drink? A: Pupsi-cola. Q: What is the first letter in yellow? A: Y. Because I want to know. Q: What do you call the elephant witch doctor? A: Mumbo Jumbo Q: How do you know when a dog has been naughty? A: It leaves a little poodle on the carpet!

Question . What pie can fly ?
Answer ... A Magpie !!	Nov 30th 2004
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . ***** ?
Answer ... ***** !!	*** 30th 2006
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side ?
Answer ... He's all-right now !!	Dec 30th 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What do monsters make with cars ?
Answer ... Traffic Jam !!	Nov 30th 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What kind of keys do kids like to carry ?
Answer ... Coo-kies !!	Oct 30th 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Why did the pony cough ?
Answer ... He was a little hoarse !!	Sep 30th 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Where do Aliens keep their sandwiches ?
Answer ... In a Launch box !!	Aug 30th 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Why don't traffic lights ever go swimming ?
Answer ... Because they take too long changing !!	Jul 30th 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Why can't you starve in a desert ?
Answer ... Because of all the "sand which is" there !!	Jun 30th 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What did one candle say to the other candle ?
Answer ... Lets go out tonight !!	May 30th 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Why can't your nose be 12 inches long ?
Answer ... Because then it would be a foot !!	Apr 30th 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What does Tarzan sing at Christmas ?
Answer ... Jungle Bells !!	Mar 23rd 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Why did the man run around his bed ?
Answer ... To catch up on his sleep !!	Feb 28th 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What do lawyers use for birth control ?
Answer ... Their personalities !!	23rd Jan 2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Where does an Eskimo pig live ?
Answer ... In a Pigloo !!	Dec 30th 2004
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What did the duck say when he bought lipstick ?
Answer ... Put it on my bill !!	Oct 30th 2004
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Why did the farmer plough his field with a steamroller ?
Answer ... He wanted mashed potatoes !!	Sep 30th 2004
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What is the best advice to give a worm ?
Answer ... Sleep later !!	Jul 30th 2004
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . How did the octopus lovers walk down the road ?
Answer ... Arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm in arm !!	May 30th 2004
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Did the bionic monster have any brothers ?
Answer ... No, but he had lots of tran-sisters !!	Mar 30th 2004
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What is Smokey the Elephant's middle name ?
Answer ... The !!	Jan 30th 2004
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . How do you get an elephant into a car ?
Answer ... Open the door !!	Nov 30th 2003
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . On which side does a chicken have the most feathers ?
Answer ... On the outside !!	Oct 30th 2003
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Which mouse was a Roman emperor ?
Answer ... Julius Cheeser !!	Sep 30th 2003
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Who is the king of all the mice ?
Answer ... Mouse Tse Tung !!	Aug 30th 2003
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What's grey and squeaky and hangs around in caves ?
Answer ... Stalagmice !!	Jul 30th 2003
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What do you call a mouse that can pick up a monster ?
Answer ... Sir !!	Jun 30th 2003
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What's black and white and makes a lot of noise ?
Answer ... A zebra with a set of drums !!	May 30th 2003
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . How can you tell if a Yeti's been in the fridge ?
Answer ... There are paw prints in the trifle !!	Apr 30th 2003
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What do you get if you pour hot water down a rabbit hole ?
Answer ... Hot cross bunnies !!	Mar 30th 2003
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What did one black cat say to the other ?
Answer ... Nothing, cats can't speak !!	Feb 28th 2003
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What's furry, has whiskers and chases outlaws ?
Answer ... A posse cat !!	Jan 4th 2003
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What do you call a fake noodle ?
Answer ... An impasta !!	Dec 14th 2002
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What eats its victims two by two ?
Answer ... Noah's Shark !!	Nov 30th 2002
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What fish goes straght up in the air ?
Answer ... A jellyfishcopter !!	Oct 30th 2002
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What happened when the two pandas quarrelled at the zoo ?
Answer ... Pandamonium !!	Sep 14th 2002
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What has eight arms and an IQ of 60 ?
Answer ... Four men watching a game of rugby !!	Aug 30th 2002
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What do you call an eskimo's cow ?
Answer ... An eskimoo !!	Jul 31st 2002
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Do you get a choice for your school dinners ?
Answer ... Yes, take it or leave it !!	Jun 30th 2002
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Where do you put a criminal sheep ?
Answer ... Behind baas !!	May 20th 2002
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Where are the Andes ?
Answer ... At the end of the Armies !!	Apr 12th 2002
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Why did the farmer call his horse Blacksmith ?
Answer ... The horse kept making a bolt for the door !!	Mar 16th 2002
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . How do you spell hungry horse with four letters ?
Answer ... M T G G !!	Feb 3rd 2002
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . How does a Martian count to 30 ?
Answer ... On his fingers !!	Jan 1st 2002
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Which fly makes films ?
Answer ... Steven Spielbug !!	Dec 19th 2001
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What do you give a seasick elephant ?
Answer ... Plenty of room !!	Nov 24th 2001
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Did you hear about the burglar who fell in a cement mixer ?
Answer ... He's a hardened criminal !!	Oct 30th 2001
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants ?
Answer ... In case they get a hole in one !!	Sep 22nd 2001
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears ?
Answer ... A right ear, a left ear and a wild frontier !!	Aug 25th 2001
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What do you call a dog with a bunch of daisies on its head ?
Answer ... A collie-flower !!	July 31st 2001
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What do you do when you see a space-man ?
Answer ... Park in it - man !!	June 30th 2001
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Who built the Ark ?
Answer ... Joan !!	May 30th 2001
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What do you call a man with a lighthouse on his head ?
Answer ... Cliff !!	Apr 29th 2001
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What two letters are bad for your teeth ?
Answer ... DK !!	Mar 6th 2001
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What is the fastest fish in the river ?
Answer ... A motor pike !!	Feb 10th 2001
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What did the spaceman see in his frying pan ?
Answer ... An unidentified frying object !!	Jan 22nd 2001
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Why do we plant bulbs ?
Answer ... So that worms can see where to go !!	Jan 2nd 2001
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What do you call a man with rabbits in his pants ?
Answer ... Warren !!	Dec 19th 2000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Why do cows wear bells ?
Answer ... Because their horns don't work !!	Oct 16th 2000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What sits on the seabed and shakes ?
Answer ... A nervous wreck !!	Sep 15th 2000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Which is faster, hot or cold ?
Answer ... Hot, because you can catch a cold !!	Aug 26th 2000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Which side of a chicken has the most feathers on it ?
Answer ... The outside of course !!	Jul 30th 2000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . I have five noses, six mouths and seven ears. What am I ?
Answer ... Very ugly !!	Jul 1st 2000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What do you get if you cross a pet bird with a fierce dog ?
Answer ... A budgerigrrrrrrrrrrrrr !!	Jun 17th 2000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . How do teddy bears dress on a cold day ?
Answer ... Very quickly !!	May 28th 2000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back ?
Answer ... A stick !!	Apr 29th 2000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Why do mother kangaroos hate wet weather ?
Answer ... Because the children have to play indoors !!	Mar 4th 2000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Where does a general keep his armies ?
Answer ... Up his sleevies !!	Feb 10th 2000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What is brown and sticky ?
Answer ... A stick !!	Jan 3rd 2000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What happens to you if you eat Christmas decorations ?
Answer ... You get TINSELITIS !!	Dec 25th 1999
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Why is an elephant big, grey and wrinkly ?
Answer ... Because if he was small, white and round he'd be an aspirin !!	Nov 15th 1999
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What's the difference between dentists and Christmas presents ?
Answer ... Everyone loves Christmas presents !!	Sep 15th 1999
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Why couldn't the skeleton go to the party ?
Answer ... Because he had NOBODY to go with !!	Mar 26th 1999
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . How can you tell when a giant monster is under your bed ?
Answer ... Your nose will be touching the ceiling !!	Oct 11th 1998
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . How do you stop a cockerel crowing at 4 a.m. ?
Answer ... Eat him for supper the night before !!	Sep 5th 1998
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . How did the Vikings send secret messages ?
Answer ... By Norse code !!	Aug 10th 1998
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What's the nearest thing to Silver ?
Answer ... The Lone Ranger's bottom !!	Jul 23rd 1998
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What do angry rodents send at Christmas ?
Answer ... Cross-mouse cards !!	May 23rd 1998
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What happens if a frog's car breaks down ?
Answer ... It gets toad away !!	Apr 29th 1998
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . How does a banana grow ?
Answer ... Slowly !!	Apr 18th 1998
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Did you hear about the dog that ate garlic ?
Answer ... His bark was worse than his bite !!	Apr 14th 1998
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What lies on the ground, a hundred feet up in the air ?
Answer ... A centipede lying on its back !!	Apr 1st 1998
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
Answer ... No idea !!	Mar 20th 1998
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . How can you tell which end of a worm is his head ?
Answer ... Tickle him in the middle and watch where he smiles !!	Mar 12th 1998
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Why are you scratching yourself, son ?
Answer ... Because no one else knows where I itch, Mum !!	Feb 18th 1998
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Why were the Middle Ages called 'The Dark Ages' ?
Answer ... Because there were so many knights in those days !!	Feb 8th 1998
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What's orange and sounds like a parrot ?
Answer ... A carrot !!	Jan 31st 1998
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . How did the dentist become a brain surgeon ?
Answer ... His drill slipped !!	Jan 20th 1998
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What's white and goes up ?
Answer ... A silly snowflake !!	Jan 13th 1998
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What's the difference between a chicken ?
Answer ... One of its legs is both the same !!	Jan 8th 1998
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What's grey, has four legs and a trunk ?
Answer ... A mouse going on holiday to Tenerife !!	Dec 29th 1997
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Why do policemen carry radios ?
Answer ... Because radios can't walk !!	Dec 18th 1997
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . Why wasn't the elephant allowed on the aeroplane ?
Answer ... His trunk was too big to fit under the seat !!	Dec 11th 1997
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What do you call a gorilla with bananas in his ears ?
Answer ... Anything you like - he can't hear you !!	Dec 4th 1997
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What's the penalty for bigamy ?
Answer ... Two mothers-in-law !!	Nov 27th 1997
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . What is the most musical fish ?
Answer ... A piano tuna !!	Nov 20th 1997
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question . How do you get down from an elephant ?
Answer ... You don't, you get 'down' from a duck !!	Nov 13th 1997
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last updated Apr 30th 2005

If you know any 'good' short jokes like these send them to Neil at :-

neil@thebalfours.org.uk